The cave and the wave
One major point of Gray's books are the differences in the way men and women react under stress. He believes that many men withdraw until they find a solution to the problem. He refers to this as "retreating into their cave." In some cases they may literally retreat, for example, to the garage or spend time with friends. The point of retreating is to take time to determine a solution. What is known is that men in their caves are not necessarily focused on the problem at hand, many times this is a "time-out" of sorts to allow them to distance themselves from the problems so their brains can focus on something else. Gray's said this allow men to revisit the problem later with a fresh perspective.When men retreat into the cave, it has been hard for women to understand because when they are stressed their natural reaction is to talk about issues (even if talking does not solve the problem). This becomes a major source of conflict between any man and woman.
While "wave" is a term Gray uses to describe a natural cycle for women that is centered around their abilities to give to other people. He claims that when they feel full of love and energy to give to others their wave is in a stable place. As they give to others (and don't receive the same amount of love and attention given to them in return) women's wave begins to grow until it eventually crashes. This is a time when a woman needs the love, listening, understanding and reassurance of those around her (including self love). Gray holds that once a woman is rejuvenated (by getting the support she needs) she is able to rise like a wave and once again has love and energy to give. Men must support this natural cycle by not being threatened by it or telling her why she should not feel this way.
Men can simply listen to her, constantly reassure her of his love/commitment/monogamy or take a few chores off her back (just a few simple chores will do). Most men get threatened because they think, "Why can't she be happy?" or think she is blaming him, but that is not the case.